Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
