More tranny stories later!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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