My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
