Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
