Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
