Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
