R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
