So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
