haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
