Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
