fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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