He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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