i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
