Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
