i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I love you. Go after that dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
