i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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