Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
