I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
