Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
