fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
