It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
