Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You smell like stripper and shame
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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