Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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