used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
