how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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