do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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