How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
