So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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