Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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