I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
