Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
