90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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