you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
