My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
