HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ketchup is God's man juice
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
