Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
