someone owes me an orgasm
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
