The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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