There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
