Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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