I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
