Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
