Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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