her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
