I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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