I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
