I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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