Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
