I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Do vagina's smell?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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