Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
