I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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